Tales from the Brewery: Everyone’s Ale

It’d been two-ish years since I brewed a batch of beer. Saturday afternoon I finally sucked up the will to deal with the tedium that follows when one homebrews (e.g. cleaning, sanitizing, trying-not-to-multitask-cuz-you’ll-fuck-it-up-ing). The rewards have, in the past, been substantial: gratification through the act of creation, artistically satisfying, and socially uplifting.

I dusted off (literally) my numerous pieces of brewing gear and began the process with recipe and ingredients procured from the local Lafayette Homebrew shoppe.

With the boil underway and molecular excitement reaching peaks, the smell of my homebrew is positively intoxicating.

With the hops added and frustrating boil-over largely abated (I reviewed the preceding link after the fact), I spent the next 45 minutes of the 60 minute boil preparing for the post-boil events. Namely, after you finish the boil, you’ve got to cool it down. Lo & behold my trusty wort chiller was no longer, so I had to do it the old fashion way (that is super low-tech).

Sorta longer story short, this batch marked one of the most disappointing weekend projects as of late. A catastrophe suitable enough to inspire even the laziest of writers to blog.

As I turned the corner, well ahead of my four minute go-fuckin’-check-on-it timer mind you, I experienced a moment of realization that I am not the Flash nor Superman. All I could do was watch, the beginnings of an eventual long, dreadfully sorrowful “no” forming on my lips.

If only the irony derived from this beer’s name and fate were as delicious as the beer would have been.


  1. Scott Gardner

    OMG my young brother. That is a crushing blow to say the least. You will recover, I believe it may be your destiny to be one on the new micro brewers. Your dad and his tub tea, your devotion to the arts? Hang in there sir, do not give in or up. Destiny and your Uncle await your future successes. And that beautiful woman who has been with you for ages is your strength. I wait with great anticipation what will come from your skills and desires to create something that will be special. I believe in you, Jim believes in you, Laurie believes in you and Sarah believes in you. Just do it sir, just do it.

  2. thank you. I still have not brewed again, though with the warm spring onset (among the occasional spring shower/snow) I am thinking about it regularly!

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